He Heals the Brokenhearted

 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3

The calendar has been barreling towards Mother’s Day. I kept checking in with myself to see what emotions arose, but honestly felt at peace with the upcoming holiday.

Then Thursday came. I had a week-long migraine and was so weepy. All of a sudden the loss of my mother felt fresh and raw.

I realized I had subconsciously built a fence around the grief and loss. I would peer in at the edges, but hadn’t really allowed myself to push open the gate of my grief and really take it in.

I kept reminding myself it’s almost been a year. I found myself ready to just get through all the firsts.

Now I wonder what I expected to find or feel at the one year mark. There will never be a finality to my grief because love is infinite and eternal.

In worship, during a contemplative exercise, I imagined a banquet with Christ, prepared just for me. The table was beautifully set, adorned with fragrant flowers - gardenias, roses and honeysuckle.

As I felt His love and invitation to fully accept my belovedness, I was overcome. My throat grew tight as grief arose. My instinct was to push it down, but God encouraged me to fully feel, reminding me He never despises our humanity. I was again reminded, blessed are we who grieve. God is near.

Today I make space for the melancholy, and sadness my mothers absence brings. And I remember all her love, beauty and strength, which fills me with thankfulness and joy.

Honored to be a mother. Thankful for the beautiful gift of our sons. Grateful for the beauty of each day, and for the hope of heaven.

PS - sorry to Noah for posting the photo where you’re squinting from the sun with watery eyes. This was the cutest one of me (haha)