Let Love Guide

I am doing something brand new, something unheard of. Even now it sprouts and grows and matures. Don't you perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and open flowing streams in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 God morning! My white and red blood cells and neutrophils were too low for me to receive chemo today so chemo #4 has been rescheduled for Friday, March 19. I've been preparing for a bump in the road and am at peace. As much as I want to motor through chemo and end on planned date of April 23, I recognize God has a plan and His timing is best Thank you for continuing to support and love me and my family. I am humbled and honored by your faithful outpouring. I love you each of you SO MUCH! God is speaking and moving - always. Even yesterday, before my appointment and the news of this setback, He prepared me through this devotion. All glory to God! Y our difficulties have shaped you, but they will not define you. By creation and by redemption, you are mine! I have set my seal...

Grieve. Recover. Rejoice. Hope. This is my present rhythm. Who I am at this moment feels familiar and unfamiliar simultaneously. I'm very aware of my physical body, with all its limitations - in a wheelchair, weakened from chemo, constant heartburn, prone to days of fatigue and grief. And yet, God is revealing who I am from His heavenly perspective - beloved, joy-filled, without limitations, full of His strength and Holy Spirit, eternal. Jesus was a man acquainted with sorrow (Isaiah 53:3). Just as God did not take away the vulnerability of His beloved Son, He does not take away our vulnerability. He enters into it. I'm so grateful for a Savior who left a place with no night to enter our present darkness. God is doing good and necessary work and I am grateful. I do not grieve as one without hope. Rather I'm grateful for the revealing, the transforming. The revelation and dawn of God is allowing me to see how He sees me. As I journey, I feel nearer to God and His heart and ...

  The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair; and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater. J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings Life near the veil. As I journey through cancer and chemo, I feel more near to heaven than earth. The ache for home began a few months ago, but has increased so greatly in the last few days it's been hard for me to live out my daily human duties - tidy the house, send emails, work Zoom call, check on Elijah's school progress. The liturgy of the ordinary has always been something I've loved. Through the lens of these ordinary tasks - loving, tending to, and serving my family, friends, and coworkers - I serve God. In these offerings and practices we collectively mend an unraveling world. Tish Warren, an Anglican priest, and author of my new favorite book, Prayer in the Night, says, "Unless we make space for grief, we cannot know the depth...

  I cry to the Lord with my voice; I lift up my voice boldly to beg for Your mercy. I spill out my heart to You and tell You all my troubles. When my spirit languishes within me (when I am desperate, overwhelmed, about to give up), You know my path. In you I trust - I see Your heart, and You see mine. You call me beloved, not for what I do, but simply because it's who I am. You hold the depths of my heart - every corner. You alone can contain and hold my depths. The more I trust You, the more You hold. Contained and held in Your DONENESS is my undoneness. Nothing can separate me from Your love. No level of honesty, of grief, of fear will separate me from Your great love. Thank you God that honest feeling doesn't equal failing. You care about my heart and can hold all my emotions. I trust You to sort them for my good and Your GLORY. God, I trust You with my heart. Help me to be authentic and trust You as a Good Father. You are willing and able to hold all my truths, all my darkn...

Everyone everywhere, lift up your joyful shout to God! Sing your songs tuned to his glory! Tell the world how wonderful he is. For he’s the awe-inspiring God, great and glorious in power! We’ve never seen anything like him! Mighty in miracles, you cause your enemies to tremble. No wonder they all surrender and bow before you! All the earth will bow down to worship; all the earth will sing your glories forever! Pause in his presence Everyone will say, “Come and see the incredible things God has done; it will take your breath away! He multiplies miracles for his people! Psalms 66:1-5 Today my sweet Mama had her last cancer treatment. This journey started November 2019 when her breast cancer returned and she had a bilateral mastectomy (on her birthday). This is part of the post I shared. The doctors said the cancer was minimally invasive, but we all felt very strongly she should have the bilateral mastectomy since this is a recurrence. And we praise God for Holy Spirit urgency. At her fo...

God writes the most beautiful stories. A month ago I messaged my friend and hairdresser, Leah, my next appointment would require a buzz due to starting chemo. She shared the name of a lady who had just made a custom wig for another hairdressers client. She asked on my behalf and Yolanda said she would be happy to consult. Saturday, December 19 I went to see Yolanda and truly the presence of God was there. I immediately felt a great peace. One of her clients, Gayle, was waiting on her husband to pick her up and got to hear my story. Before she left, she asked to pray over me and I felt such a deep love in my heart for her and Yolanda. Today, along with my angel Sandy and Leah and Yolanda, we shaved my head. And Sandy is going to donate my hair to Locks of Love, which makes my heart so happy. Miss Yolanda made me the most glorious custom wig - so curly and vibrant and comfortable. And then she went back to her shop and came back with another wig - this one custom made to look like my ha...

  Thank you for all the texts and prayers. Chemo 1 is in the history books. I was home around 6pm and went straight to bed (after taking a bath I have no memory of). Cookie Monster photo is what I think I must have looked at chemo. They ran Benadryl, a steroid, Pepcid and Ativan through my IV prior to starting the Taxol. I have ZERO memory of eating any of the snacks Scott packed. In fact I apologized this morning for not eating anything and he was like, “um, there was an empty pecan log roll in your bag and a cracker wrapper under your hospital chair.” And. I. Die. What on earth? Praying all my years of working on my spiritual health made me the sweetest, Jesus loving crazy person. In seriousness, God has been so near and way too good to me and my family. The Emory nurses are angels and made me feel so cared for. I had a panic attack before they accessed my port and they had the Chaplain, Moira, come and be with me and she was such a calming presence. And, God has given me a beaut...