to GOD be the GLORY
This quote is basically my life. It stirs in me something I've held in my heart for a long time. My entire life I have learned, slowly and with a LOT of sorrow, to make God my sufficiency. And in these past four months God has shown mercy, grace and miracles that directly points back to HIM and His incredible strength, love and GLORY. This is a story only God could write and it humbles me to be seen, known, molded and loved by Him.
Scott and I have struggled with medical debt for 14 years. We married debt-free and planned to live an honest, generous, debt-free life. However, God had another journey for our family. Between a high-risk pregnancy, our boys surgeries to make their feet and legs strong, leg braces, ovarian cancer and subsequent cat scans, medicine and endless doctors appointments, we just never got ahead.
The debt grew, compounded. It was like being in a deep ocean,
with wave upon relentless wave hitting us.
with wave upon relentless wave hitting us.
I volleyed between being completely overwhelmed and total acceptance {and it was very moment-to-moment}. The tears and anxiety were always right below the surface. There were a couple of years where I dealt with serious depression. I'm so thankful during these years for our faith, my family, some really amazing friends and my marriage. All the trials Scott and I have endured have only pushed us closer to one another and closer to God.
Two years ago God challenged me to live in His JOY. He taught me despite all circumstances there is JOY! It's not a feeling {and I've life-long been prone to the feelings ... I've felt all the feelings all the time my whole life}. But I'm slowly learning JOY is a GIFT from GOD that's not feeling-dependent. God is teaching me to focus on His heart and the needs of others. He's teaching me to BE. At that same time, I prayed to God I wanted to be His very BEST friend. I wanted to KNOW Him, to have a love and relationship with Him that mirrored the relationships He had with Elijah and Noah {the Biblical characters, not our children ... although I do pray this very prayer for them, as well} ♥
I began to give my hurts, desires, dreams ... all thoughts to God and God alone. It was an amazing time of growth, but also a lonely time. We have two dear families who ARE our family and I did confide in them and seek wise, Biblical counsel, but I always spoke with God first. I'm grateful for these two families, who are mature in Christ and hear His voice. They love us with all they are - and we send that love back to them. Still, in this time, God really kept me to Himself and I learned {again} to make Him my sufficiency.
At the beginning of 2016, I prayed about our debt {again}. We looked at our budget, determined the max amounts we needed to pay to make a dent. At that same time, my parents hearts were burdened for us. We all prayed and they made a financial, monthly commitment to us. We were humbled. Our debt mountain did start to go down, but it was still VERY tall and we still stood in its shadow.
While I FELT overwhelmed, I began to change my prayer to God. I wanted to rise above my feelings and live in FAITH - to give a tangible response to a spiritual REALITY. I began to pray, "God, help us be generous. Give us Your heart, Your eyes. Show me, this day and every day, who to love, to serve, to give Your love, grace and mercy." And the miracle began {with many twists, turns and divine appointments ...}
In May, our oldest son, Noah, graduated from High School and one week later {ONE. WEEK. LATER.} we dropped him off at college. Three days after that he turned 18. There was A LOT of life happening! In the midst of all this life, I was honored to serve on a Chrysalis Team, a four-day faith journey for teens and young adults. Months before the retreat the weekend leadership team met to prepare, pray and vision. And the one thing in all our hearts was grace, love and JOY. It was our prayer for us and the still-forming team. At each team meeting God was truly in our midst. He gave us HIS love for one another and for the girls we had yet to meet.
The first night of the retreat it was evident some of our sweet girls had arrived with deep wounds and pain. They were closed-off, arms crossed, face downcast. But God was there and He knew each need, each heart. We simply poured out our love and God poured out His and by Sunday, at the cross ceremony, God had made ALL things BEAUTIFUL. He had turned mourning into joy. These girls were healed, arms outstretched, their countenance RADIANT, their burdens left at the cross. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.
God is a healer and loves us so purely. It was humbling to be a very small part of the story of God's GLORY! In those four days, in my heart, I felt God saying, "THIS is WHO YOU ARE. Live FULLY in my love, grace and JOY. This is why I created you." I came home with so much in my heart and so in love with God. I was swooning.
Following the retreat, I was unsure what to study for the summer. Honestly, I was a bit weary and ready for rest. Then came a Facebook message - from the aunt of one of my dear BSF sisters, Elizabeth, who moved away a couple years ago. I met Patricia at Elizabeth's going away party and we connected on social media. Time went by and then the invitation, to simply "swing by her place for a lady's night out for my church!" My heart stirred. I had prayed for community and God answered.
At that gathering, from the moment I set foot on Patricia's property, I felt God. The women were so truly welcoming, like Life Among Believers {Acts 2:43-47}. I literally experienced these verses in a tangible way that night: "we broke bread at {the home of Patricia} and ate her food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to our number those who were being saved."
At this Holy appointment, Patricia announced a summer study to begin the following Monday: Discerning the Voice of God, by Priscilla Shirer. As my schedule allowed, I drove an hour and met with 40+ of the sweetest women of God for two hours of study and true heart fellowship. During this time, God spoke in my heart and I sought His.
There is so much to share of all God revealed, refined and changed, but there was one, resounding theme in my life {to truly hilarious, EPIC proportions} - 1 Samuel 3:1-9 {The Voice}. In this story, Samuel keeps hearing someone call his name. THREE times this happens: "Here I am! {running to Eli} I heard you calling; here I am!" And each time Eli replies: "I did not call you, my son. Go back, and lie down." The last time Samuel is called, Eli discerns it's the voice of God and instructs Samuel to respond: "Speak, Eternal One. Your servant is listening."
Every day, either in my study, a devotional, radio sermon - everywhere this verse chased me. And it took WAY more than three times for me to get it. Fear from past poor choices gripped me. Was what I heard in my heart from God or my own voice? Was I running away or toward? While our two dearest families encouraged me {and echoed it was God calling} I still was unsure. I prayed to God and asked for just ONE more person, someone independent from my life, yet HOLY, to help me discern. But who? Enter our new Senior Pastor ...
Our new pastor and his sweet wife arrived here two months ago and I can truly say He is a man after God's own heart: humble, God-seeking, joy-filled, a coffee drinker. He made appointments to meet with each staff member and my day arrived. On that day my heart stirred to share with our pastor all I was trying to discern, but I felt the Holy Spirit say, "Be still. Not now." The meeting with our pastor began and five minutes in HE DISCERNED what was in my heart {and my heart almost beat out of my chest}. Was this THE moment I was to share and seek wise counsel? Was he my JUST-ONE-MORE and I'll do it, God person? The answer was, "yes." I shared my heart. Our pastor spoke SUCH truth. And I {finally} responded: "Speak, Eternal One. Your servant is listening."
Like John wrote in John 21:25 {The VOICE} - "There are so many other things Jesus said and did; and if these accounts were also written down, the books could not be contained in the entire cosmos." God has done SO much in my life. He is truly my BEST friend and a God of MIRACLES.
Noah came home from college two weeks ago and will return next week. Our part of his Fall tuition was due by August 15. We had a bit of savings, but not enough to cover the full cost. Many advised getting a loan, but I couldn't imagine adding BACK to debt-mountain, so I just declared the money would come. And I really believed it, even though reality didn't promise this one would come true.
Sunday, July 31 I heard a message on {Biblical} Noah's faith story. His faith dealt with unseen reality. Like Noah, I heard God telling me, "even though you can't touch it and your senses don't fully perceive, let your faith allow you to believe what I promise as reality and fact." The pastor shared, "faith is making preparations based on what God says. AND, the same God who invites Noah to build something is the same God who invites us to build things into our lives."
That week, as my mother sat down to write out a check, God whispered an amount in her heart. And when it arrived it was the EXACT amount needed to pay Noah's tuition in full. Although that would mean using the portion my parents meant for our debt, I felt it was justified as it would keep us from more debt later. But God wasn't done with His merciful provision.
Saturday, August 6 my Mom spent the day with my 96-year-old Grandmother {who is my faith mentor and my heart}. My Grandmother has exemplified practicing God’s sufficiency her entire life. She was orphaned as a very young child, married the love of her life {only to lose him much too young}, became dear friends with a group of fellow widows {who have now all gone to glory}. Throughout her life she’s experienced times where it was literally her and God. And she learned {at a young age} having God in her life is sufficient. Friends, loves, family will come {and then pass away} but God will never leave us. She has ALWAYS gotten me. We share the same kind of radical faith and have both ALWAYS known God and felt His presence. She speaks to God every day and says she learns something new from Him daily. She is PRECIOUS!
Mom went to get my Grandmother's mail and when she came back in the room my Grandmother stated, "I want to pay the kids debt in full."
Sunday, August 7 we came home from church, ate lunch, did some housework and then were resting when my mom called. As soon as my Mom shared the words I went into a 10 minute wheel-of-all-emotions-moment. I cried, screamed, rolled around on my bed, stood up, sat down, laughed, CRIED. In the midst of all the gifts God had already given, this was more than we could hope or imagine.
Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us, to Him be ALL GLORY in the church and in Jesus the Anointed from this generation to the next, forever and ever. Amen.Ephesians 3:20-21 {The Voice}
Last Wednesday, August 10 I received my Grandmother's generous gift and Thursday, August 11 all our debts were paid in full. I share this entire journey, not for our glory, but only for GOD and His GLORY!
I want to be your Barnabas, to encourage and console as you wait on that prayer of your heart that feels too big to be answered. That dream. That calling. For Noah, faith was making preparations, based on what God said. God still invites us to build things. God still invites us to be a part of His story. And God will give us His eyes to see. As a parent, God gives us eyes to see things in our children only we can see. We see potential.
God invites each of us to see things as He sees them {even if no one else sees}. In my life, I can truly say what we endured {and yet will endure} has been worth it. Today, I pray the prayer of Paul, "The only value I place on my life is that I may finish my race, that I may fulfill the ministry Jesus our King has given me, that I may gladly tell the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:24 {The Voice} To GOD be the GLORY!
Comments
Post a Comment