Home Behind, The World Ahead

Our son, Noah, graduated from high school two weeks ago and Saturday/Sunday we moved him into his college dorm. On Sunday, as we drove to college, navigating through {crazy} Atlanta traffic, Noah in the back seat, I reminisced on the day we drove him home from the hospital, nearly 18 years to the day. The day we brought him home he was so small and fragile - 7 lb., 9 oz. of sweetness. It seemed all the cars on the road were a threat, even though we lived in a small town and even took side roads, where the max speed was 30 mph. Noah was our treasure, our pride and joy, and we wanted to protect him every day of his life.

From the moment he entered the world he took my breath away. I was instantly in love. That first night I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night, giddy like Christmas morning, marveling over his tiny fingers and toes, those cheeks and lips. {so delicious!} I whispered over and over my love for him.

Being a mother is the greatest joy in my life. And today, on his birthday, I see a man I am so proud of - a man of God who seeks to love and live to bring Him glory.

Noah, your life is a testimony to God. You have overcome so much with grace and strength. You are humble, gentle, compassionate, courageous, kind, loving and loyal.

Today I feel like Mary, contemplating everything in my heart.
Today, I want to share the Story of Our Light

To our son, Noah, in whom we are well-pleased,

I wanted to take a minute to let you know how proud I am of you. These past few weeks have been a bit surreal realizing just how much you have grown up. June 8, 1998 feels like a long-ago dream and at the same time like it was yesterday. On that day your beautiful, amazing soul joined our family. Our whole family was crowded into a tiny room awaiting your arrival {with your great-grandmother, Marlene, on the telephone, straining to hear the first cries of her great-grandson}. I have loved you from the beginning and I love you still - being your Mommy has been the greatest privilege of my life.

At your birth I sobbed uncontrollably – the love, deep love, I had for you already was overwhelming. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Those first few weeks of motherhood I was giddy – every moment was like Christmas. I couldn’t sleep or rest – all I wanted was to hold you, play with you, see you smile and listen to your sweet coos. You were so good-natured and easy. Everywhere we went you had a smile – for friends and strangers alike. Everything you did made me proud.

Love is not easy to put into words, especially a mother’s love, the depth of which is unfathomable.

When I look at you now, tall and strong, I see you in all of life’s stages at once. I see you as a newborn in my arms, a blur of blonde hair racing towards the ducks in the pond at our favorite park {sometimes running ALL the way into the pond in your chase}. I see you in your footed Clifford the Big Red Dog Jammies {and us in our matching Clifford house shoes}.

I see you as a toddler, curious, but cautious – quick to love and protect. In your 3-year-old Preschool class you were a friend and defender of "Ms. Cynthia’s ghulls {girls}" when 3-year-old bullies Henry and Ford would push them down. I can still see you helping the girls up, brushing them off and touching their cheek, asking if they were okay. You were a young gentleman and tender-heart – and you remain that way to this day. After Preschool the years began to fly – Kindergarten, a new home, a new brother {a wild viking/ninja}. I remember the little boy who wanted to bathe in the rain with Elijah; your years in middle school orchestra {and that hairstyle} <--BLESS!; playing in Rock Band with daddy; high school musicals; leader of MERGE, and now, a man.

I have truly loved every stage of parenting {even that 100-page fourth grade packet you saved for the weekend before its due-date}. You have matured A LOT since that time {hallelujah!} - you've applied yourself and ever-strived to become a strong student.

As much as a mother raises her son, so does a son raise his mother. You have taught me many things as I have watched you grow. From you I have learned the power of a tender heart as I have witnessed your quiet kindness to others all of your life. Your teachers throughout grade school always remarked about your concern for the feelings of other children. You attract friends wherever you go, and you are loyal to them.

You taught me how to find joy in the moment. You have the gift of turning the mundane into amusement. You see subtext and comic irony in the world around you. Your wry humor is a constant source of delight that lightens our days. It reminds us to relax and not take everything so seriously. I will miss this tremendously with you at college. I miss our 6AM Einstein Bagel Breakfasts {thank you for never denying me in public - and going along with my CRAZY-FIERCE-Mommy-LOVE!!!} Who will alert me to funny online memes, or make sure I don't show an inappropriate movie to our family {seriously, thank you for always being the one to check online movie reviews to confirm movies are/aren't family-friendly}.

And you taught me about courage. Our family life has been marked by transition and you have endured well. You have navigated these changes with strength, faith, courage, acceptance and again, humor. You are stronger than you know.

You have a natural tenacity and ability to accept life as it unfolds. This skill will serve you well in the years to come, because life is about transformation, a decade's long process of becoming. There are chapters, but no destinations. If you are able to visualize each stage as having a beginning, middle and end it will be easier to recognize God’s plan for you as He chooses to reveal it. His plan is rarely the same one we envision for ourselves, so, in the years to come, as you are surprised or sidelined unexpectedly or sent in directions unanticipated, remember it is unfolding as it should be. That’s when you will appreciate your already sharpened abilities to navigate change.

Each chapter has a specific lesson that God, in His all knowing wisdom, sees you must learn. Painful chapters draw us near to Him and joyful chapters illuminate the glory and wonder of our world. Both are important. I pray you never lose your sense of wonder. May you remain joy-filled. The source of true, unwavering joy, is Jesus. His Word will align your voyage and keep you ever on course.

Noah, I love you. You are the son every mother dreams of having. I could not be more thankful for you and proud of the man you have become. Your character and integrity are important to you. You are finding your voice and moving forward in positions of leadership. God will rely on you to use that leadership to model the qualities of a good, honest and loving man.

A faith journey is a daily one. It is vital to see our moral choices, both grave and not, as turning points. Your choices will lead you closer to God or further from Him. Lead you down a path toward a peaceful heart or a troubled one. No choice is made in secret as God is always with you. Choose wisely and you will live without regret, because real and lasting happiness has nothing to do with material possessions, it is a result of living your values, even when it is difficult. Even when choosing to stand for what is right means you will lose friends or perhaps a job/position.

This gift of clear sightedness, to recognize the path that supports your values is the prayer I will pray for you every day as you move forward into the world. Sometimes it's not so easy to discern. Know it's okay to wait on the Lord. It's better to wait for a clear vision from the Lord than rush forward with your own plans.

God has the BEST planned for you - more than you could ever imagine.

Ephesians 3:16-21

I pray out of His glorious riches He may STRENGTHEN YOU WITH POWER THROUGH HIS HOLY SPIRIT in your
 inner being, so Christ may dwell in your heart THROUGH FAITH. And I pray you, BEING ROOTED & ESTABLISHED IN LOVE, may have POWER, TOGETHER with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp
HOW WIDE & LONG & HIGH & DEEP IS THE LOVE of CHRIST and to know this love that surpasses knowledge.

May you be FILLED TO THE MEASURE of all the FULLNESS OF GOD.
Now to Him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to HIS POWER at work within us. To Him be the GLORY throughout all generations, FOREVER AND EVER!

Plans from God are the best plans. The most powerful leaders, the ones who affect real change, are the ones who choose to lead their families in the ways of love that strengthen the home and thus the community.

Today begins the letting go, when motherhood becomes a complicated mixture of pushing you forward and holding you back. But know I am so excited for you as you embrace this next phase of life. Have fun, work hard and enjoy every single day. Know there is no such thing as perfection - just daily, ever-strive with God.

I’m excited for this next journey. I see God’s hand in your life and it comforts me. Above all you belong to God and God is always and forever FOR YOU!

Ever Striving – this has been my motto for the past year. There’s no way any of us can be perfect, but we can ever-strive towards perfection – towards being more like Christ – having His heart, His grace, His mercy, His compassion – and His LOVE. Love that begins in the home and then goes out. These three remain my prayer for you and your brother:

1. To love, listen-to and KNOW God – be His child and serve Him by living the life He created JUST for you


2. To be kind and have good manners.


3. To give your VERY best in all you do.

Don’t be afraid to fail. You are cautious and wise {which is GREAT}. Just know college is a time to push boundaries and challenge yourself {safely and wisely} in new ways. Above all, hear these words from my heart:

No matter how high I have to look up to you, you will always be mine. I can still wipe your tears and listen to your heart.
Know {and believe} you are loved deeply by your parents. But even more than we love you,
You are loved by a God who sent His son for you.
This life might bring great joy or sorrow, wealth or loss, but you can make it because you have love. Be sure and give it away.
You are strong. You are brave. You are smart. You are funny {so funny}.
You are kind. You are handsome. You amaze me.
You will be a great husband one day. You will be a great father one day.
I am always here for you. I will always love you, no matter what.
You can always come home. You are a success if you love God and love others.
♥ Love you always and forever, Mommy ♥

Know I am always here, always praying, always loving you. Seek God all the days of your adult life. Through beauty and pain, tears and joy, beginnings and endings. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:6

And now, because our whole family adores Tolkien ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We'll wander back and home to bed.
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade!”