Life Near the Veil (Part 1)

 

The world is indeed full of peril,

and in it there are many dark places;

but still there is much that is fair;

and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief,

it grows perhaps the greater.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Life near the veil. As I journey through cancer and chemo, I feel more near to heaven than earth. The ache for home began a few months ago, but has increased so greatly in the last few days it's been hard for me to live out my daily human duties - tidy the house, send emails, work Zoom call, check on Elijah's school progress. The liturgy of the ordinary has always been something I've loved. Through the lens of these ordinary tasks - loving, tending to, and serving my family, friends, and coworkers - I serve God. In these offerings and practices we collectively mend an unraveling world.

Tish Warren, an Anglican priest, and author of my new favorite book, Prayer in the Night, says, "Unless we make space for grief, we cannot know the depths of the love of God, the healing God wrings from pain, the way grieving yields wisdom, comfort, even joy . . . . Grief is a ghost that can't be put to rest until its purpose has been fulfilled."

As I process, I'm learning to accept grief as an emotion and experience that must be given its space. We must learn to normalize grief and weeping. Grief is just as much a part of our day as joy and boredom and any other emotion. Our culture encourages us to keep soldiering on. I'm learning to actively break up with that mindset. Those who grieve aren't without hope. We're admitting our human frailty and our need for God. Jesus taught, "Blessed are those who mourn—they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

In my small story of suffering, recovery, joy, and hope, Jesus is near. "In hardship, we do not look to Jesus solely as one who has been there before, once upon a time in a distant past. We find He is here with us, in the present tense. He participates in our suffering, even as-mysteriously-in our suffering we participate in the fullness of Christ's life." (Prayer in the Night)

Hope is on the horizon