Lessons Learned Near the Veil

As I await the end of this chapter, I'm grateful. Life near the veil has had many valleys. But I'm grateful to have felt the deepest sorrows, because it freed me to feel the highest joys. Even in the depths of sorrow, there were little Easter's that refreshed and strengthened.

Being so near to God's heart meant He was so intimately close. Sometimes I couldn't feel Him - yet I knew I was held by Him. Like looking at a mountain. From a distance, we notice the curves, colors, and peaks. When you're in the mountain, it's a different experience. That's what life near the veil is like - and these are some of the lessons learned.

1. Grief is just as much a part of our day as joy and boredom and any other emotion. I've come to embrace the deep and momentary grief that has come. It feels counterintuitive, but I've found true healing has come by giving grief its due space.

2. In my small story of suffering, recovery, joy, and hope, Jesus is here and co-suffers with us, in the present tense. God didn't take away the vulnerability of His beloved Son, and He doesn't take away our vulnerability. He enters into it.

3. God is inexhaustible. I’ll never be declared cancer-free. THIS battle is drawing to a close, but more will come. Rather than fear, I have peace. Journeying with God, I've learned even if there IS more, He will BE more.

4. There’s many ways to pray. Romans 8:26 - And in a similar way, the Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness. At times we don’t know how to pray, but the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words. These last four months my prayers were - liturgy, tears, conversations, singing and worship. Often I simply prayed Jesus.

5. God may not take away your grief, but He will ensure it doesn't destroy you. Mary's son was the giver of all joy, life, and hope. And yet, He knew deep anguish and suffering. Instead of praying, “God take my grief,” I pray God Himself would shield me. As lesser delights dissolve in the face of pain, enduring joy is found. THIS is what life near the veil is like. Arriving at a place of deep joy that's not buoyed to the ebb and flow of this life, but moored and anchored in heaven. This joy is a constant source of love and hope that's eternal.

My latest worship and weep song is No Doubt About It by We The Kingdom.

How does my broken heart Keep bringing me back to you again Sometimes I fall apart But you're always there just like a friend Just like a friend

There's no doubt about it I'm on my way home I'm not yet where I'm going, but I'm a long way from where I was I hear a choir of angels cheering me on I'm not yet where I'm going, but I'm a long way from where I was!

Imagine me in your arms The only place I long to be And when this life gets hard One day I'll dance on golden streets And ride on angels' wings.

Chemo 6 (ringing-the-bell) Friday, April 30.

Until all is restored. Grateful for the nearness of God, for our family and friends who are family, for the beauty in each day, and for the hope of heaven.